South For The Winter
by Cheercaptaincutie
Summary: Curtis has always been by the rules. But now he will take a turn down a bad path, including experimenting with things other than his inventions. Rated T for adult content, language, and drug references.


_**Well, this is just an idea that I came up with around Christmas. I'm not sure where I'm gonna go with it, but reviews would be nice :)**_

I was sorting through some of the old Christmas decorations, as Santa had asked me to do. He wanted me to throw away the decorations that were old and broken and put together the ones that still had some use in them. I came across an old tree ornament. It was very cracked and the paint was smudged to the point where I couldn't even tell what it was.

Trash.

I chucked the ornament into the huge trash bag beside me. I then picked up a long string of colorful lights. I studied each bulb. It seemed to be intact. However, there were about six that did not light up when I turned them on. I was about to throw it in the trash bag, but then it occurred to me that I had just finished making a device that can fix Christmas lights. As the number two elf, my main job is to be the keeper of the Santa handbook, and to make sure everything in the workshop goes the way it's supposed to. My other job is, well, to basically be Bernard's assistant and do everything that he tells me to do. But another thing that I do is I make things. Innovations. I can say that I'm pretty skilled with technology, and making new things that could be useful around here. I've successfully made many of these things. Jet packs, automatic toy repairers, I even made a machine that can duplicate, shrink, or enlarge a toy. That cotton head Bernard didn't even know how to use his iElf, until I showed him how. And he thinks he could make one of those iPads, or anything else the kids play with nowadays? That's why you need an elf like me around, because I know what I'm doing when it comes to gadgets and high-tech stuff. That old fart, he couldn't even make the LG flip phone eight years ago. Like…I'm the Safari of this workshop and Bernard is, well, the Internet Explorer. You see what I'm saying?

I looked over each of the burnt out bulbs once more. "I can probably fix these up, and then they'll be just fine to use." I said to myself. As I began wrapping up the string of lights, I heard some sort of commotion going on outside and an alarm going off.

Somebody probably burnt the cookies in the tree house again. I chuckled to myself. I continued to rifle through the decorations. I dug up a Santa doll. It was standing on a little back platform with a button on it. Curious as always, I pressed the button.

"_You better watch out, you better not cry! You better not pout I'm tellin' you why! Santa Claus is comin' to town!" _

I smiled as the Santa figurine danced along to the music. This was my favorite song. I turned the music off, as I had to get back to work sorting the decorations. I looked over at the large heap of un-sorted decorations and then back at the Santa doll I was holding. I looked around the room for any other elves.

"Well," I whispered to myself, "A little break wouldn't hurt. After all, it says in the Santa handbook that music is good for elves." I sat down inside the sleigh in the middle of the room and pressed the button on the Santa toy again.

"_He sees you when you're sleeping! He knows when you're awake! He knows if you've been bad or good, so be good for goodness sa-a-ake!"_

"Whooo!" I cheered, as I kicked my feet to the music.

"_Ohhhh you better watch out, you better not cry! You better not pout, I'm tellin' you whyyy! Santa Claus is comin' to toooooowwwwn-"_

A big hand clamped itself over my mouth and the music stopped. I looked up and saw Bernard and Santa. There was a long, strange silence. I realized that not one noise could be heard throughout the entire workshop.

"We are at Elfcon four!" A voice over the loud speakers broke the silence,"All clear!"

_Ohhhhh… _I thought. It was one of those Elfcon things happening before. Every now and then, somebody would be in an airplane or helicopter or something and get too close to the North Pole. That was when we all had to be quiet, as to not expose our secret.

The elves cheered and the workshop filled with the noise of work and toy-making once more.

"Curtis," Santa looked down at me, "I say we get you a nice set of headphones this Christmas." He then looked around at all the other elves, "It's alright everybody. Let's get back to work."

"Curtis!" Bernard scolded me, "You're 900 years old! Grow up!"

"Bernard!" Santa called. I followed the two of them out of the room. We walked outside into the center of the town, where elves were working hard as always.

"You know," I told the two of them, "I didn't break any of the rules! According to the Santa handbook…."

"The _HANDBOOK!_" Bernard mocked, "Curtis, do you go pee pee with that thing?!"

Ignoring Bernard's crudeness, I continued, "It says elves are encouraged to listen to music!" I explained, "It makes them more creative, more productive, and well, more alert." Suddenly, I saw one of the reindeer plummeting towards us. "LOOK OUT!" I yelled, ducking. Bernard and Santa did the same, as the reindeer hit the ground behind us. As we stood up, I turned around and realized that it was Comet.

"Comet!" Santa crouched down beside him. Comet muffled a few incomprehensible things. We then realized that Comet was gagged with a neck tie. I quickly took my tree trimmer out of my pocket and cut the neck tie out of his mouth. It was red and had penguins on it. It didn't look like anything we made, oddly enough.

Santa brushed the snow off of Comet, "What happened?!"

"Ohhh…." Comet groaned, "Bleh….bab….eba…."

"What?"

Comet lifted his head up, "Glahbabagababa!"

Santa's eyes widened, "Someone did this to you? Who?"

"Dababahagablah!"

"Elves!" Santa looked at him in disbelief, "The elves did this?"

"Nuh uhh! Bagadlapapa!"

"What do you mean not _our_ elves?"

"Agablah…"Comet looked off into the direction that he was thrown from. Over there, there was a group of elves, but not any that I recognized. They were throwing cans, blasting loud music, and making a huge ruckus. They were crowded around a red car, some of them sitting on top of it and some hanging out the windows. I looked down at the license plate: "DEP STH" is what it said. I noticed that instead of the polar bear plates that we all have up here, their plates had penguins on them.

"South Pole elves." Santa muttered, "

Bernard groaned, "Oh dear….what are _they_ doing up here?" I looked confused at the group of strange elves.

"OOOOOHHHHHHHHH!" yelled one to another. They just stood there, shouting obscenities to elves passing by. Each of our elves looked at each other, bearing the same unspoken question. Who were these hooligans?


End file.
